It has been 4 years since my wife has posted. My how our lives have changed. The twins are 16 years old now. Henry has a weight room in the garage and a six pack. Emma room is full of art and fills the house with wonderful smells of what ever she is baking. As their father I couldn't be more happy with them. I cherish all the moments we spend together. I find excuses to be involved in what they love.
In the month of June 2017 everything changed for us as a family. We went to visit family to celebrate a birthday of my grandmother. We visited a church my uncle was going to. After years of not caring to spend time with my fellow Christians, I saw a place that was filled with love and relationships. It awoke something inside of me, I had to find this at home. Thankfully they had a sister church very near to our house. Twelve miles away, a place I did not know then would change us forever. The week before I turned 40 we stepped into the local church and I knew we found a home. Grace Community Fellowship welcomed us with open arms. We went all in. We helped however we could. We talk to whom ever we could. We loved however we could. and through the days, months and years after we were changed. I honestly never knew life could be like this, full of fun, laughter and genuine relationships.
As a father I was always quick to pick up a new hobby and go in head first just to pull out at a moments notice. This kept me as a father who was home but was never there. I had grown more and more angry inside. I was angry with myself but I took it out on others, my family the most. I knew something was wrong I just couldn't place my finger on it. It is just so easy to get lost in the the day to day that you forget what really matters is right in front of you. I was so emotionally detached I did not realize I was losing my wife and kids and our family was in turmoil. From the outside we had a pretty face but it hid a ugly truth of how unfunctional we were.
At this point the old me would like to make up some excuses on why, how and who I could blame for it. I was the problem. I was bitter. I think that can happen when sudden life changes throw you off course and you have no real anchor. Sure we were busy, tired and active, we had some very fun moments. I still felt empty.
I do not write this to make excuses for myself or to garner sympathy. I simply want to say if you are a parent that is lost there is hope. If you are the wife of a room mate husband, you can see that relationship restored. If you are a child with a absentee father, He can change. All three of these things happened in my life.
For the record, this started with a very practical conversation someone had with me. It was a hard conversation for them and for me. I grew defensive at first as I chose to listen and hear what that were saying something changed in me. I knew I had to change direction. If you are facing a similar place have that hard conversation. Not one filled with anger and resentment but one filled with love and grace and real forgiveness. Kindness drew me in. Be willing to start those hard conversations. It will be worth it.
I can't make up for all the time I wasted as a father in the early years. I can be involved fully now. I can love them with all my heart. I can support them no matter what. I can be a Dad. It is never to late to change. I don't know why I wrote or posted this but I pray it starts a conversation, a seed of love, a piece of forgiveness in someone, a family restored.
